you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
