bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
