God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize