please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's like heaven, but drunker
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
