so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
