When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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