READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
