I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
