i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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