we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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