the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she told me i tasted like america
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize