so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
