I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
