Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
