I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
