You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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