You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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