If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
