We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
