Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
