How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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