The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
