Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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