Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
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In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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