I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize