the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
