it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
