when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
