ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
