Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Pooping to opera.
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