I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
