I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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