I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
