I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
