You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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