"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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