A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
