the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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