is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
