Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
