You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
