My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
