I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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