Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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