this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
