u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
