smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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