i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
