You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
