Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
