Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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