Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
