My room smells like vodka and shame
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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