Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
