Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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