my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
