He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
