what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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