Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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