Porn is love you can see.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
