If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
