I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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