Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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