do herpes really smell.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
