Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
