so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
