Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i need some magic done to my vagina
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize