You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize