i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
