Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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