At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
