i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
