I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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