My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
